The Gift

We began a new stage of our journey with Madelyn this week. She received the "gift" to all adolescent females. Of course, our immediate reaction was, "how can we give this gift back?" This question is true on so many levels. Level 1: Madelyn does not have good enough personal hygiene to handle this gift. Level 2: Madelyn does not understand the taboo nature of the subject and may at any moment share the information with anyone. Level 3: Madelyn can never (should never) have a baby. I was and am slower to acknowledge level 3. Madelyn is the one that brought level 3 again to my attention as she told me that since she was now a woman, she could grow up and have two kids, two boys. She chatted away and told me how she and Justin Bieber would get married and have children. What do I say at that moment?

As I think about this "gift" I realize that it feels more and more like a present someone buys for a friend who is pregnant and when they deliver the gift they learn the friend had a miscarriage. Madelyn's body will continue this cycle of inappropriate gifting for the rest of her life. And, as her mother, I will be the one ensuring the gift never arrives. I will be the one at the door that tells the friend a miscarriage has happened and that the gift will only cause more pain.

I looked at statistics regarding prevalence of sexual assault of people with developmental disabilities and found the numbers to be as high as 90% by some studies with 39-68% of females being assaulted by the age of 18. Sometimes I feel like a gatekeeper to an area much to vast to cover. I realize I can only do my best. It is all pretty overwhelming to consider...these are the days when I am thankful that my life keeps me too busy to spend much time contemplating the future. I am quite certain my worry of it would not change or stop a single thing.

For today, I will hug my daughter. I will pretend to be BatWoman for a few minutes. I will join her in many rituals that bring her calm. I will do all these things while ever watching what may come to "the door".